im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
