All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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