he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
