i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
