Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
