I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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