Tell her she can't have a vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
