Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
