tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
