i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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