i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
