Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
