he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
