my mouth tastes like poor choices
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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