you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
