you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
