i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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