put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
