Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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