maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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