I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
