i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
