My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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