sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
