Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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