i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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