So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
