I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
