we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize