hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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