just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
