you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize