On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
