It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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