I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
