I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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