Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
