do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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