it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
