So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
