She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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