I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We're too hungover to prance.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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