Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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