Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
