why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
