I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
