Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
