my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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