I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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