I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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