Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
