Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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