you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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