Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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