and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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