How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
