so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm too high and old for this...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
