You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
