we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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