Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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