I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize