I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
