can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
