This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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