I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
