wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
