i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's official drugs can't kill me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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