A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
