everyone is single if you try hard enough
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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