god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
