Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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