We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
