you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
