It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
